it's Easter.

Easter has always been and probably alway will be my most favorite holiday. As a kid, I couldn't wait to go to my grandmother's house. She lived only like 2 blocks away and most of the time I dreaded going there, but oh no, when it came to Easter. I could.not. wait. My cousins always came into town. We didn't have a large family, my dad had a falling out with his side of the family and my grandma had only three kids. I just loved spending the day, eating and hunting eggs with my cousins. 

To this day and even before I had Jorja, I made a big deal of Easter. Today wasn't anything different. Jorja got tons of stuff hunted Easter eggs twice!

so over all a great holiday!!!

Letting go...the pathway to surrender.

I am obsessed with "self-help" books. I have like 100 of them on my kindle, no lie. Most of them are the free one's you can get from Amazon. I have a few books of the author of "the Secret" I just love any books that I feel that can help my train of thought.

I recently bought, yes bought "Letting go..the pathway to surrender" by Dr. Hawkins. Apparently he's a major force in the "positive thinking is the way to go" movement. I was skeptical to purchase this book, like I've mention I am really cheap when it comes to buying books. I read the reveiws and it was highly praised. It was cheap, so I thought, why not? 

It's a kind of book where, when started you know you're going to probably read it again to absorb it. Maybe it's just my ADHD and lack of attention, that reading books like this effects. However when I first started I knew that this was a different type of book. It doesn't just stress that thinking positive will change your life. It explains why it is a person may think negative and how to change our deeper feelings that may cancel any positive thoughts. 

I know, it sounds weird. But I can totally relate to all of this. It also explains how, bitterness, hate, fear, anxiety, sadness, guilt, apathy and depression is all connected to one's health. This explains so much. I have in the past 3 years years or so, been dealing with a eating disorder, (not because I wanted to lose weight) had ulcers, weighed 89 pounds, major sinus infections and other health issues. All this is connected to the negative energy/feeling that I was harboring because I was more into being "positive" and not dealing with those negative things.

I now know why I could be happy, positive, looking forward to the great life one week and the next week be on the sailboat to despair. I see that thinking that way wasn't really helping me out. Those negative feelings were still there because I hadn't tried to deal with them.

Although this book is amazing read I don't think it's a heal all of negative feelings. It just tries to make one realize why we are sick, and negative and how to deal with those feelings in a way that may help our lives in the long run.

Right now I am on chapter 5 so I still have a ways to go. I will update on my success as soon as I can. I am on the last week of my 3rd semester of college!!!! I am doing ok, not the result as I would like to have. If I would have applied myself more I would've been doing better however, this winter has been filled with sickness. One week Jorja would be sick, then she would give it to me and repeat. I haven't been so ill like this before. This next semester will be more interesting, since I will be taking a Psychology class and a American Literature class as well.

Until to next time, stay positive!!!   

sometimes.

Someone you know will just do something randomly, so random that it just amazes you. Amazes you that your life will be change, if not forever, for this moment. And it's all those "moments" that makes up a person's life.

There has been many times I have been amazed, majority for the worst. So many times I just focus on the bad that when something great happens, I just don't know how to react.

So for now on, I choose just to amazed and to pay it forward.

no title goes here.

Life hasn't always been easy for me. But the bigger question is, is it easy for anyone?

There's no title for this blog today, because I don't have one that goes with it. I just wanted to write a little about this and that.

I am a procrastinator, like hardcore. With that bad habit comes anxiety too. Like I need anymore of that. 

I am on semester 3 in my online college career. I take 3 classes, with those classes come 1 class discussion that is due on Thursday, with two follow-ups to two people's discussion. For the most part it's easy. I have from Monday to read three chapters and do those discussions by Thursday. Usually by Wednesday I have read half of the chapters and have half of the discussions ready to be posted. By Sunday of the same week the assignments are due. I usually have one assignment/quiz and or one assignment/lab work due by midnight. One would think since I am always home these days, more than usual I could at least have half done by Sunday, but nope. I have all day Sunday to stress, have more anxiety and something always goes wrong. Whether it's the WI-FI my neighbor is so generous to let me use isn't working and he's not home yet, to reboot it. Or I cannot find the download I need to use for the assignment.

Whatever it is, it's annoying! I hate waiting for the last moment. Right now I am bummed out because I didn't get the password for the legal website to finish the labwork. Sure I can turn it in late and get points taken off. But when will this end for me. It is such a bad habit, I see how Jorja is picking up on that bad habit. She will want to put her homework until later. I will not allow that. I may find it hard to break a bad habit, however I know it's hard. So I will not let her pick up the habit of procrastinating. 

So this week 2/2-2/9. I will read one chapter per class and finish the discussion that day. So Monday will be, reading Family Law and discussion, Tuesday will be Legal writing chapter and discussion and on Wednesday will be Eng Comp 2. 

By Thursday all will be done for the usual get together for Scandal Thursday. And start and mostly finish one assignment.
I can do this. 
I will do this.

until later. Remember, it's never too late to become all that you might've been.

sorry, this blog wasn't edited.

sometimes, just sometimes

So times I just wish I had made better decisions in life. I am aware of my act first and think about it way later. I get too emotional about things and seem not to let things go. I dislike this about myself, and I am so envious of those people who seem just to be able to put things behind them.

I feel like I am stuck in a place I don't want to be. Where I am lacking is my finances. I tend to get stressed out about my current financial issues, this will add to my anxiety and this just takes me back to my negative place. I don't want to be like this. I want change.

I recently lost my love of my college classes. I think it was due to being sick every other day added with Jorja being sick and out of school. Then probably the unwanted stress. I have all but two assignment done in this semester. My GPA went down a lot. But all I can do is do better. This is all I can do.

I will do better because I have no choice in this matter. I have learned not to rely on others, because I know how it will turn out. I want to be example to Jorja about how it's never to late. I know I can do it. Just sometimes, I get stuck in the negative thoughts I have. 
   

day 5 in the new year and...

So far it hasn't been the greatest. 

Not that it's been very horrible. 

It's just the flu has completely hit "Missworld's house". It's been such a year for us to get sick. She gets a cold then I get it and so on and so on.

Needless to say I was looking forward to Jorja going back to school. And all was great until around 1pm I got the call that she was sick throwing up. So I had to make the run and come and get her.

But she wasn't that sick and tomorrow she will be heading right back to school, while I am home with a soar throat that aches so badly I think I have Strep. 

However being sick for the past week or so has allowed me the time to get caught up on some new shows. The Good Wife, what can I say, no what cant I say?? It's the show to watch until Will Gardner gets kills, then you'll be sad but it's still great.

So this is just a short update. And yeah as if I had to spell it, I am of the ADHD meds....sorry.

New Year means a new me!

So we made it past Xmas! It was such a hit, Jorja got all the stuff she wanted and then some! I made it out without buying one Frozen toy so I consider it a win-win. I am enjoying this week I get to spend with her while she is on her vacation. We are having lots of fun playing with her Monster High Dolls and Barbies. 

I have done a lot of stuff I kept putting off this year. I am amazed that I actually followed through with it. As much as I got done, I still procrastinated way too much. I hate it, I always think I should do this or that, never do then feel guilty when it's not done. I absolutely hate that feeling. It makes me depressed and have way too much anxiety.

Everyone always has a list of things they will do on the New Year, and yeah I might have had one here or there. I never kept up with it. Don't get me wrong, I make lists all the time. Since I have ADHD I feel it benefits me more if I have a list as to not having one. I do this pretty much with everything, and sometimes I kept right on the list when I go shopping.

My New Years Resolution 
Get my B12 levels higher, so Im not sick as much.
Change my ADHD meds
Spend more time with Jorja.
Spend more date time with my love.
Exercise more, read more.
Be more positive and outgoing.

What are yours? Have you ever kept them for more than a week??