Love yourself..like your life counts on it...((the book))

(this blog isn't edited, so sorry for the misspells or weird stuff)


So I have been lacking in the blogging department. And in a lot of other departments as well. It's been almost a year since my last blog, and I would like to say that I have made major life decisions and have turned my life around. I guess I could, but sadly I haven't. Not that I havent tried. I found a job, right when our life really needed it. I had less than 100.00 in my account. I worked my ass off at that job, until about 2 weeks ago. What happened? that will be left for me to write in a different "Blog". I went to therapy, which did help me to see how I should have a "life plan" for our life. Jorja seems happy, and yeah I do catch myself being happy, truly happy maybe for a few minutes.

That's where the topic of my updates starts. I was on my very cheap but rad tablet while I found I had downloaded for free a book called "how to love yourself like your life depends on it". Now don't quote me on the topic. But Im pretty sure that's the title of it. I had it on my phone, my kindle and my table, oh there's never enough technogoily for us in my house. As you will come to find out, we no longer have cable or a tv for that matter. And yeah, we are still alive.

I started that book late on a Friday afternoon. we hadn't really done anything that day due to my car catching on fire the previous day. Yes, maybe that may be a topic of a future blog, who knows. J was playing out side, for it was a great spring day, not like it had been earlier in the week. Shes my child and as the only child who was doted on by two parents, she hasn't lack in the attention area. However it's just been me and not her father these days so it's like double the attention I have to give, and yeah at times it's hard. 

From the start I knew it would be a fast and easy read. Which it was. How easy, like done in a few hours easy. However it was great. As I started it, I couldn't help but to think, wow the author, who's name escapes me, is going to make a lot of money with this one. Later I when I went to the author's website Ilearnt that he did in fact make a lot and this book was on best sellers list for weeks. I understand why. It's mostly autobio. about how his life was shit, and how he wasn't going to take it any longer. How he woke up one day and said "I love myself, I love myself, I love myself" on and on. When ever some negative thought come up, instead of his mind going with it, he looped "I love myself" and soon that bad thought was gone. But I know what you are thinking at this guy is trying to say his life changed for the better with 3 little words his spoke to himself over and over again. How ridiculous all that could be, yes?

Well actually I am on the fence when it comes to "think positive and good things happen". I think it does help to think when you are down to your last dollar that it will make the situation better. Will a check for a million dollars show up in your bank account, oh how I wish it would. Sadly no. But in the end I feel like positive thinking will make the situation a lot better. I do believe we get what we think/give in life. think bad, bad will happens. 

I am like most everyone these days, I am wired to think negative as to positive at first. When Im negative I usually snap out and try for the better part to be positive.

This book showed me that if I truly, truly loved myself.No situation is going to make me think negative at first.

So over and over I repeated "I love myself, I love myself, I love myself" over and over hundreds of times that afternoon into night.

Not that anything changed, I was still unemployed and my car was still fried from catching on fire. My one true love was still out there. I am in the middle of nowhere, bored out of my mind. 

I have to stay nothing changed, but myself and the way I looked at my daughter, my life, my finances and everything else in my life.

I sat outside watched my daughter play dress up american next top model princess for the 100th time, but for the very first time in a long time. I had joy           watching her dance and sing. Nothing was on my mind right there at that time but happiness to see the most important thing in my life happy. 

since then I've repeated "I love myself" over and over, just like it was a second nature. when something negative came up, for a second I thought negative but then the loop of "I love myself" came up and just as quickly as I thought came in my mind, it was gone. Feels great too, and im only on day 3.

As I sit a write this, I can not lie, I know it has made me positive for the future. Life changing, well that depends on the person who reads it and what they are looking for to get out of it.

I know now, that noone will ever love me until I love myself. And I do, I truly do.

**will keep you update**