way past the walking dead-lays the broken one

I haven't really updated in a while.

Summer ended, Jorja started Kindergarten. She's from what her teacher says is very smart and a good student. She is almost 6 (less than a month) she can write her first and last name, she has even started to read. She brings home a book each week that she has to read to me. Its amazing, how amazing she is.

I am sitting still, letting each day, each hour pass me by. I have never been in this place before. It is all to weird, just weird. I am not depressed in any way. Although I really should be, due to my fiances and living arrangement issues. But I am not. I am not dying of panic attacks. I am just weirdly calm. Most of the time I think to myself how everything will be ok.  And I do believe it will. I am just scared because of the issues I have going on and the lack of dealing with it on my part.

I used to have goals, even if I never really did anything to achieve them. But to me at least I had them. Now pretty much since summer I dont have any goals or desires. And that scares  
me so. I look around at the people I know, with their families, working just to get by. To pay their mortages, car payments and to feed their children. And I wonder if they are just happy with just that. Not that there is anything wrong with that. A family life was not what was in my dreams. Not saying  Jorja wasnt wanted. What I am saying, maybe its their normal life of a family, freaks me out. I dont want my life like that. I still on hang to the dream of raising Jorja in NYC, and one day soon I know it will happe But in the mean time. I need to visusliaze  and figure out what I need out of life. I am sic k of life passing me by.

This was a great blog of a new year! Please forgive me for all the typos and mistskes. I am writing this on my phone.

(The title is a song from a friends band. Esiah  was a band from Taft, Ca. They were good friends with Dan Herdia,read his blog I wrote. And the next tattoo will be with those lycis.)